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November 15, 2001

Itsy Bitsy

A Big THANK YOU to all the people who took the time to sign my mom's comments. I'm sure she'll love being welcomed so warmly to the blogging community.

I'm sure you all know by now that Tracy got bit by a spider a few days ago. Well, despite being arachnophobic - I went out and sprayed the car. I destroyed three of them. I had hoped there would be a layer of RAID everywhere. It's supposed to be good for up to 4 weeks. Well, Tracy thought the car looked dirty...so she washed it. Isn't that sweet? She WASHED THE RESIDUAL OFF!!!! I was nervous...but what can you say? She was standing there admiring the car...so proud of herself for getting it washed and looking so pretty... So I told her how sweet it was that she got the car washed (trembling inside).

Fast forward to this evening... We decide to order Chinese food - which means Lori does the pick up. I jump in the car. I'm driving up US1. I'm swaying to the sounds of The Horse Whisperer CD. I'm happy. So is the little white spider that comes into view on the windshield right in front of my face.

Yup. It was about as big as the nail on your pinkie finger. And it was white. Albino-looking. Like a ghost. By the time I pulled over and got out my can of RAID, it was gone. (Yes. I drive with a can in the passenger's seat. So what?) Hmmm...it was gone? Was it really there? Yes, I'm sure it was there. But I have no idea where it disappeared to while I careened across US1 trying to shake it from my windshield. But I do know that I unloaded about a half a can all over the inside, outside, door, windshield and dashboard. Did you know it's supposed to poison them? I thought you were supposed to drown them in the spray...

So why is it that when you let people know you're arachnophobic, they try to "cure" you? I know that the reaction I feel has absolutely nothing to do with rational thought. I know I'm bigger than the damn thing. I know I could squish it with my foot as I stomp around in hysteria. But all that doesn't matter. It's a phobia - it's supposed to be non-sensical. It makes love look rational.

A few years ago, a coworker found out about my arachnophobia. She had a large hairy black rubber tarantula in her draw. She showed it to me. I screamed. Then she became determined that she would show it to me. She was going to prove that it was okay.

It wasn't okay. She just didn't get it. It's not about the size. It's not about a fear that it's going to hurt me. It goes deeper than that. It freaks me to the core. My stomach gets queazy, the hair on the back of my neck bristles, and I get the "fight or flight" reaction. It's intense. More intense than could ever make any sense. I don't know where it came from and I have no idea when it started. I've lived with it as long as I can remember. And it doesn't have to be a real spider to start the reaction. It could be a fake one, a picture of one, someone jiggling their hands like one, or even just the thought of it in my head. Sometimes I see one and I can't get the image out of my mind. That's the worst part. It lasts much longer than the physical experience.

And this coworker decided (in a moment of brilliance that can only be described as The Void), that she was going to show this thing to me. She was going to make me look at it - so I would realize that it wasn't going to hurt me. I screamed at her. I cursed at her. She still would not get out of the room. Yes, I was in a small room of the lab...with only one door in/out. She was standing in the doorway. So I threw a chair at her. She got out of the doorway.

Arachnophobia. It's not just a movie.

Posted by BlueWolf on November 15, 2001 03:53 PM