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September 30, 2001

Past Life Flash

Once you open yourself to viewing past lives, sometimes the images appear unexpectedly in a moment of relaxation or when your mind wanders.

I was working in a bar at the time and went to the kitchen to scoop out a bucket of ice from the ice machine - when I had a "flash" type of glimpse of another previous life.

It was a time when I was jousting for a woman's honor. I had on full mail (armor) and was armed with a lance. The woman I loved - her honor was at stake. I swore she was innocent of any tryst - and I knew for a fact that although I loved her, we did not have any type of affair. She was in a viewing booth with her husband during the joust.

Everyone around me denounced her as a "loose woman." According to custom, if we were truly innocent, God would be on my side and I would be victorious in the joust. If we were guilty of the accusation, God would punish me by insuring my defeat.

As I rode against a very strong knight, I was impaled upon his lance. I remember my thoughts just before dying (as I was laying on the ground with my lifeblood pouring from me). I was thinking of how unfair my failure was because she was truly innocent. I was worried for her, but powerless to help. I do not know her fate.

******

Note: I'm looking at this information many years after the image was presented to me. There are a number of things that I'm wondering about - to which I will probably never know the answer. Although she and I didn't have an affair, was she actually guilty of adultery (perhaps with another)? If this was the "woman I loved," what actually happened to cause the accusation? And how did she (or didn't she) feel about me? Were there strong emotions that merely weren't consummated? And is that acceptable (to God and mankind) or is that also wrong?

When this image was first presented, my focus was on the method for determination of guilt/innocence. I noted how unfair (and inaccurate) it was to use a measure of one thing to determine the measure of another unrelated thing. Yes, you could use a yardstick to measure a building. And you could use that same yardstick to measure the building's shadow - and thereby calculate the height of a building. But you cannot use a yardstick to measure the beauty of a flower. Similarly, just because someone is stronger does not mean their words are more truthful.

I guess at the time of that image, this was the "message" to which my awareness needed to be focused. I understood the obvious lesson of the vision, but needed time to see more of it. Perhaps that is why I wrote it down? I was in my early to late twenties when the information was presented to me. As with most people in their twenties, I was looking for love and finding nothing but heartache after heartache. Perhaps this was a whisper to point me in the right direction? If it was, I was blind to it at that time. In hindsight, I think I was given the opportunity to realize that perhaps I was measuring love (or peoples' worthiness of my love) using the wrong yardstick.

I am now in my early forties and I am looking at this message in a new light. I'm getting the original whisper and another (much deeper) message along with the review. I'm feeling differently about the situation/image now. The original frustration and sense of injustice are gone. They haven't simply faded with time - it feels like just yesterday that I saw this. But I am a different person in different circumstances than the 20-something girl I used to be. As soon as I realized those two messages in the image, my feelings about the situation changed. It felt as though something about it was resolved in some way. I don't feel that the entire situation was resolved - there still may be more and perhaps I'll see the same situation in a different light in ten or twenty years. But I know the sense of unfairness is gone. I no longer feel attached to that unfairness.

There are some who say that once you understand a situation, you no longer need to repeat it. The ripple of its effect dissipates with knowledge and understanding. I guess there is now one less ripple.

Posted by BlueWolf on September 30, 2001 02:46 AM